NICU Warrior Mama Stories: Joanna

I’m Joanna, and I want to share my journey of motherhood, which has been both the greatest gift and the most challenging experience of my life. At 32, I welcomed triplets: Mitchell, Leah, and Case, born at 33 weeks. Two of them spent time in the NICU, while my son Logan was just 27 months old at the time. Mitchell, Leah and Case were born at 33 weeks.  Mitchell and Case had to go to the NICU, Leah was sent to the level 2 nursery and as girls usually do, she faired much better and was discharged in 2 1/2 weeks.

Navigating this journey with a 2 year old toddler at home was tough. I had to make the difficult decision to prioritize Logan's needs, even when it meant missing visits to the NICU. Remember, it's okay to focus on your mental health and the well-being of your family. Don’t let anyone guilt you into decisions about breastfeeding or formula—what matters is that you and your babies are supported.

I had to decide to visit the babies in the evening after Logan's bedtime. He was upset when I was leaving the house one morning after I came home from the hospital, I called the nurse and told her I could not come in that morning. She made me feel bad that the babies would not be getting the milk I pumped and formula instead. This was incredibly cruel of her to do to me. I had to make myself realize this was the right decision. Logan needed me, he was 2, he was crying, he had been apart from me for 9 days when I was hospitalized to have the babies. Obviously, I had to make a decision and I think I made the right one.  Don't be afraid of making decisions for your mental health or the health of your other children or family. You cannot always be at the NICU and the staff should not guilt you into it. Also, breastfeeding or formula should not be a guilt feeling either. If you try to breast feed, get a good pump. My preference is Medela, I wouldn’t mess with other ones unless someone knows it works well and efficiently. A good pump will save you time and be much more comfortable. I only pumped my milk for the triplets. They did not breastfeed. I was dealing with a lot and I did not want to add trying to get them to latch, but that is also a decision for you to make. Once again, do not let someone make you feel bad about it!

My kids are all grown now, but I can recall a few things that I hope will help in your journey with the NICU and preemies. To all the parents dealing with NICU life, here are some tips from my experience:

- Don’t hesitate to ask medical staff to explain things in simpler terms. If the nurses or doctors are talking too technical, just ask them to stop and repeat what they are saying in laymen's terms, sometimes they don't realize everyone doesn't know their language.

- Keep a notebook handy to jot down questions and updates—this will help you stay organized and informed. Listen to what the medical staff say and write down notes. Take a notebook with you to jot questions so that when the doctor is there you will have time to ask the questions and not have to remember everything that minute.  Write dates and times of everything when they give you updates so you have a reference. There is so much information and emotions for you to deal with and it can be difficult when you try to repeat it later.

- Take things one day at a time. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, so focus on what you can manage today.

- Seek help! Accept support from family and friends; you don’t have to do this alone.

I did not have social media to deal with, I will tell you that will be a big time waster. If you decide to participate in that, you will have to be very disciplined and keep a timer or something to keep you time very limited. Also, if you notice it is harming you by you feeling sad or comparison to others postings about their "healthy" babies or babies who are home when yours is not, it is doing you harm and time for a break. You need to ask for help. You are not meant to do everything alone. I had my church helping, my parents, my in-laws, friends, sister, sometimes others and I was still overwhelmed at times. If you are fortunate as I was and people offer to help, accept it. Don’t  try to be a "martyr" and say you are fine.  I had meals given, people cleaned my house, helped feed the babies or just came over to hold the babies. One of our close friends "sponsored" Case and helped pay for his formula and diapers for his first year. We were incredibly blessed and I do not forget it! I try to give back any chance I get and I ask people. Please do no take away my chance of giving back by not accepting this help whatever it is, because it helps me to know I am paying back some of the help I received!

In the NICU, you have to be very diligent about keeping your hands clean, limiting visitors, preemies also are susceptible when they come home. You have to be very careful and stay home for several months, especially during cold and flu season and now in the age of covid, it is also a risk. Take time for yourself, you need to recharge and spend time to rest and get yourself in a good place to take care of your family. If that is reading, taking a bath, shower, meditation, any kind of quiet time -do it!  I am a christian, so reading the Bible, doing a devotional that gives me inspiring words was helpful to me.  I can recommend Jesus Calling, it is a short quick read that is basically a paragraph where the author has taken scripture and she writes it in the way of Jesus speaking directly to you, giving you advice and calming words for the day.  It has been very helpful to me over the years.  Now with smart phones, there is apps you can get, I have the youversion bible on my phone and I read the bible in one year with Nicky and Pippa Gumbel, others may prefer other ways to relax but whatever is your preference, I will say this is what has helped me and in my life what I have learned is that having friends who truly care for me and my children has helped me so much!

Remember, every journey is unique, and it’s okay to ask for help and take breaks if it becomes overwhelming. Cherish every moment, and know that you're doing an amazing job, even on the tough days! You and your baby are on your own schedule. I had all 3 of my babies at once and each of them had their own experience. Mitchell was 2 pounds and 12 ounces. He had started to lose weight in utero, that is why they needed to do my C Section at 33 weeks. Leah was 3 pounds, 15 oz and Case was 4 pounds, 8 oz.  Case came home at 3 weeks 3 days and Mitchell came home at 4 weeks.

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